As a homeschool mother I have a lot more freedom but with that freedom also comes more responsibility. As a homeschool mother I choose what we do each day, I choose how our time is spent for every moment. There are constant decisions to be made and the occasional overload and stress from all that responsibility that goes with the decisions can drag me under.
We are different to the rest of the population in more ways than how we spend our days. In a big generalisation a "normal" person doesn't have to make as many decisions as we do. They choose their job, but their boss chooses their hours, their workplace and the way and materials for doing their job. And at the end of the day if something goes wrong the boss has to figure out a solution or wear the cost. This way of living starts in school, where again, all the decisions are premade by others.
If we fit into the school system well as a child and got trained by it well then we are more used to the concept of not having so many decisions or so much responsibility. To then become a mother and a homeschooling mother we have to change. We rebel against the norm and we take responsibility for all the decisions.
It can be draining, not only because we may find ourselves feeling very isolated but also because we have the same responsibility as a boss for our children. Only with us the responsibility covers a lot more areas of life and the repercussions of those decisions are ours and our childrens. We can't hire and fire different employees to help our "business" run better. We are It.
Some days I just want someone else to make the decisions. But by putting my kids in school and maybe getting a part time job I am still making decisions, aren't I? I still have to decide what is the best way to do things according to my values.
You know what!? I just want to do a huge dummy spit! Is it okay for a 40 something year old woman with 4 children to throw a tanty and say I don't wanna?
Ahh well, back to the grindstone.
Best wishes
Jen
Yep, have a tanty! It hurts (physically and mentally) holding in all that tension. Been there and I know what you mean. The floors. Spelling. Windows. Dishes. Meals. Too much socialisation. Manners. Phone calls. It's all up to us and sometimes that's overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteWe're all sick this week and it's kind of a relief to let illness dictate that we MUST rest and read and lay about writing, talking and playing occasional board games. Time to think, pray and be. Aside from the whole body ache and awful cough, and sick therefore emotional children, it's been like a holiday actually. I don't recommend you get sick, by the way, but it's helped me get a new perspective ... all nice in the fuzzy haze of a survival week ... I now have to 'decide' if and how my thoughts fit into regular reality!
From what I've read of your thoughts, you've made some pretty big decisions and are doing an excellent job as a manager. Be kind to yourself :)
Thank you.
DeleteJen