Saturday, November 17, 2012

Home to Public School - 73 days to go

I had a funny dream the other night.  I always "ask" my dreams what they mean.  In other words I think of my dreams as my subconscious trying to tell me something.  If I am still in that dopey post sleep state and I am reviewing the dream I ask myself what it means and take the quickest reply without thinking as my subconscious expressing itself more clearly.

So this one answered me that essentially I am the one responsible for making my dreams of long term home schooling get taken away due to my inaction and lack of gumption.  Hmm, don't like that!  Is it fair that your own subconscious kicks you when you are down?

What do I do?  Well, I am making plans and continuing on as though the boys are going to go to school.  I will change the way we do things to fit in with the timetable of school.  If I struggle to get the boys on track with school then I will have to hand the job over and just cry at home on my own.  Really, if I can't go for my dreams (that are totally possible) then I just don't have it.  If I can guide our days onto a better path with the 'threat' of my boys going to school for a big chunk of the day (and eroding relationships we have built, taking away our choice of free time, bringing home attitudes I may not agree with, dictating what happens on our weekends due to assignments or homework) then I get to keep them home but I need to work at this lot harder.  I need to do everything I can to make this homeschool experience something that my boys will not regret.

I am looking into work potentials that will work around either option as I really feel that part of our struggles are a single income that pays the bills and keeps our heads above water but not much extra.  It doesn't help with doing the fun stuff like art or music classes, or going to live performances, or getting sport equipment for more activity as a family.  I also really need a home with furniture that means the clutter can be cleared away or I get overwhelmed and depressed at the mess.  After all, no point trying to clean up if items don't have a place to go.

I also really need to get a backbone too.  Either way!  If they are at school and bringing home attitudes I don't want in my home then I need to make sure they know what will not be tolerated.  If they are at home I need to make sure my kids understand that when I say do I mean do now, and quickly.  I need them to understand that I am in charge and that while I will allow a certain amount of freedom that I will expect respect in return.

Hmm, will keep you in the loop as I try to cope with these upcoming changes in my life.

Best wishes
Jen

2 comments:

  1. It's both scary and empowering to think of what you can do to change things ... sounds like you've been in a rut and not known how to escape it, not a nice place :(

    But stress and pressure can kick us into a fight for survival and help us think outside the square. I hope you find some of the solutions you need!

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  2. There are always pros and cons with every decision. I know from my experience that things get difficult when I second guess myself all the time and become indecisive (which has been lately - deciding whether to continue with my own mix of curriculum or enrolling them into a distance ed curriculum). Hoping you find peace in the decision.

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