When unschooling doesn't work

I know there is a lot out there to suggest that child-led learning can be very good.  Here is how my experience went.

My eldest was an usual kid right from the get go.  I remember trying to get him interested in things, to have a passion like all the other little boys.  I borrowed tons of books on trucks, dinosaurs, building, etc but nothing bought a spark to his eyes.  Around 4 years old I tried to do a lot more hands on stuff with him.  I bought out all sorts of craft materials and worked along side him.  We each made a caterpillar out of an egg carton and decorated it.  His didn't even last an hour.  It wasn't what he wanted it to turn out like so he destroyed it.

He then struggled to learn to read or even remember lessons from one day to the next.  After reading Better Late than Early by the Moores I decided to back off and try unschooling, giving him time to follow his own interests.  By this stage I had a 5 year old and a 2 year old and we moved interstate. 

Again I encouraged lots of conversation about the world around us and yet he still was "numb", not overly interested in anything.  My 2 year old absorbed lots.  I guess there is a bright side. 

Add in 2 more babies, 2 interstate moves, big dramas in our family, unemployment, and still resisting lessons and I turned the television on.  I hate that I turned on the box but it is really hard to teach someone who fights you all the way.  On top of everything else going on in our lives I just couldn't handle those daily battles and feeling so useless when he couldn't/wouldn't learn.

For the last 3 years I have continued to try unschooling principles with my other children.  I can say that I don't think it worked in our family.  I know people say that children are very interested to learn but I feel like I have spent a whole lot of time trying to get a spark going where there was no want for it.

So since then my eldest has been diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome.  It explains a lot.  Now he does have a passion, Minecraft, and I use it as "bribery" to get him to do his regular school. 

The other boys are "behind".  I think that time left to themselves to learn in a child-led way has only led to brains that want entertaining, that don't know how to process and think.  Even with access to the library and me to answer questions they have not had as good an education as they could have had.

In my opinion a more structured learning method is better, at least as a foundation or kick off point.  If a parent is not leading, pushing even, it is easy for a child to develop lazy habits and not worry about the effort it takes to learn new things.

We are implementing more structure here, at least for morning lessons, and I will be limiting the television a lot more.  It might be a great source of information when you have the History Channel and National Geographic channels but it is only a resource, much like a book.  I have learned that knowing information is a lot different to using information and making connections between bits of information.  A teacher is needed for that purpose.   Kids, well at least my kids, don't do that on their own.

Am I the only one who failed unschooling? I know others who advocate strongly for it but I think that it takes a certain type of family to be successful at it.  Parents need to be passionate about things in their own lives, to be an example of life long learning; they need to be very involved with their kids and be totally on top of what their interests, strengths and weaknesses are; and they do need to give a little push here and there.  Totally child led can be a mistake in my book.


Well, off my soapbox now,
Jen