My friend, Tracey, over at Little Men in My Library, has given me this award. As part of the deal I need to reveal 7 things you would most likely not know about me.
I have covered a lot of stuff about me in my About Me tab but here goes. I will try to think of 7 more unknown bits and pieces.
1. I am a melancholy person - and when I say that I mean I over think, over plan and am not good in social situations with lots of people. I might want to be a social butterfly with lots of friends but that just isn't me. This could explain my strong interest in the library as a teenager and my nickname of Bookworm.
2. My husband and I met on a train, exchanged phone numbers and chatted for almost a week every night before we met again for our first date to the museum and the botanical gardens. I then met his parents that evening. No rush!
3. I love opals although I wouldn't actually want to own one. Don't ask me why!
4. I love cooking, wait, that isn't unknown, but it something that I am pretty ok at. I am finally learning to understand the basics of some styles of cooking and am able to wing a meal without a recipe using what I have on hand. Quite a handy skill, don't you think?
5. My sister doesn't talk to our family. I miss the connection of family but she wasn't always an easy person to get along with. When she is ready to talk to my parents and me I will accept her with her faults and strengths. After all that is what family is about IMO.
6. I do not "allow" my boys to fight. See above for why! No wrestling, no deals, no competition almost. With age gaps of 3 years or more I just don't think any type of conflict would be fair to either party. They are told strongly to work out how to get along. This is practice for real life with working alongside "annoying" people. Don't get me wrong, we play board games and card games and we teach good sportsmanship. Just not unfair competing.
7. I want to build my own home from recycled materials as much as possible and would adore old wooden floor boards all through my house and some stained glass windows. I also love the look of patchy rusted sheet iron.
Some others to nominate:
Blue Skies Green Days
House of Bogwitz
Raising Little Rhodies
Some of these blogs are "new" friends so I hope to learn a little more about them by dumping them in it so to speak.
Best wishes
Jen
Interesting bits about yourself, Jen. It is heartbreaking to have a rift in the family. No 6. is particularly intriguing. Competitiveness is so strong in most kids, especially boys. I agree it is important to train them in resolving conflict. Just interested that you don't "allow" fighting and how you achieve that? Also wondering what age your boys are and how they deal with it. I have met, particularly in HS circles parents who will not allow any competitive sport etc but cannot see a good outcome. The children seem to have grown up either very aggressive or so passive that they are insipid. KWIM? It would be interesting to read more on how you cope with all that although I realise you actually do paly competitive games etc.
ReplyDeleteHave a good weekend.
Thanks for dropping by Ruby. I think that as you say we need to train our boys in resolving conflict.
ReplyDeleteI make a very conscious effort to be around my boys (homeschooling helps there) and to listen to their conversations. I don't interrupt if there are disagreements at the initial stages but I will if there starts to be anger or hurt feelings. I try to point how the other is feeling, help them to see why they are being misunderstood possibly, and teach them to control their words and actions.
Right from when little I taught my eldest to not throw things in anger, or hit, or yell. He was allowed to be upset and angry but he had an "angry bear", a small soft toy which he was allowed to take his anger out on. He could also scream into a pillow, hit pillows or just cry in the bedroom. He was Never allowed to take out his anger in a way that endangered property or people. We also focused on finding a solution as quickly as possible, even only an offer of a hug and some sympathy for a disappointment. I prefer solutions over wallowing in wailing about the problems of life.
As a mum of 4 boys I am very aware that these young men will grow up to be stronger and bigger than me. I do not want to be fearful for myself, that a teenager who is angry will think it is acceptable to shove, or hit, or in any way be violent and disrespectful towards me, and in the future as an adult his wife.
Being a male with strength and size on his side, he has a responsibility to control himself so as to not harm those he loves, and to be able to fit into civilised society. I want to rear gentle giants, who will know when to fight but to do it in a controlled manner, as a defensive action, not due to undisciplined emotions.
I think a book by Steve Biddulph on raising boys may have influenced my thinking about this but I couldn't say for sure.
With regards to competitiveness I have a child who competes in gymnastics. That has been very good for him. He likes to improve himself and that has been our main focus, how to learn from others, and how to improve against our past performances. My boys are all so different that it would be pointless to compete with each other as their talents are so varied. Instead we focus on good sportsmanship, improving our own skills, and learning from others strengths and weaknesses.
As to whether this philosophy will make them very aggressive or insipidly passive, I am yet to see. So far my eldest is quite passive, but then he is my Aspie, and he really doesn't care for competition or comparisons anyway. Just not part of his nature.
I will definitely have to watch a bit more and see if this is a possibility. They all get to play with kids their own age and similar skill levels at a weekly activity and I am fairly sure they participate appropriately there, without aggressiveness.
Thanks for the conversation.
Best wishes
Jen
I want to be the social butterfly too. And actually...when I was younger - I was. I think this season of my life just doesn't leave much time for socializing during daylight hours...and by time dark happens - I'm TOO exhausted!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the award...
...danielle