Family Update July 2014

So, you remember me mentioning that I had a few busy (bad) days just before an assignment was due?

Well, here's an update on us.  About a month ago DH realised that leaving his employer at the end of his contract in June would give him a larger payout than if he stayed on for another 6 months so he took it and has moved to Qld to look for work.  We will be staying on so that DS2 can perform at the Sydney Opera House in a school choir and go on the Year 6 school trip to Canberra in late September.

We spent the 2 weeks of the school holiday collecting firewood for winter (our only source of heating) 2 days out of 3.  Things fell apart at home a bit like you would expect with 6 people creating messes but no-one home long enough to clean up.  Still catching up now after kids have been back at school 2 weeks.

DS1 spent last week of school holidays on an AAFC activity at our local RAAF base.  Then he got home for 3 days, helped dad pack the trailer with all his worldly possessions and then travelled north with dad.  He came back on aeroplane (his first time solo) on the Saturday, spent time at a friends and then got picked up by me (a two hour round trip).  Then on Sunday went on another AAFC activity all day. 

In between that DS2 had an accident at school on Friday that required an ambulance.  He and another boy ran into each other at high speed.  Both got concussions and we think mine has a broken nose, although I am not sure now the swelling is going down.

He has had bruising come up and go down with both eyes going green yesterday but fading to yellow with purple patches today.  He still has a bump on his brow but his eye is open again.

The other little one was in hospital for longer but as is the way with 12 year old boys they are both up and going full speed already.

Of course that all happened the Friday, Saturday and Sunday before my assignment was due and I had no other adult to share the load.  :-(

Well, I am still here, needing a good coffee (don't like it but can't rest, stuff to do), and Rescue Remedy or a good cry.  Can't decide just yet.

So... hubby has got work already, a contract position, but good pay and work so Yay!!  Now I just have to survive, keep the kids safe, pack the house and clean the house before our family can be back together as it should be.

Best wishes
Jen

How to Annoy Your Kids

There are some things that are just fun to do to your kids.  One of mine is to chant in cheerleader fashion the quietest kid's name and dance around too.  He blushes and smiles indulgently at his silly mum.  Another way is to give squeezy hugs. The bad bit there is that they are starting to return them.  :-)

Recently my school kids have been leaving lunches uneaten and don't seem to be even drinking much water while at school.  I have threatened them with a CD of me educating (nagging?) them about all the good things that are in their lunch boxes and why they need to eat them.  I figure I can play it on the way to and from school.

This morning the older of the 2 school going kids checked out if I could really do it.  I proved I could by telling him the process I would use to get my talking onto a CD.  He was a bit concerned.  :-)  Good!

Jo, over at All the Blue Day, posted this link about big family rules in the last few days.  I think this mother could be a mum after my own heart.  Very funny!

I really do think "annoying" our kids is one very good way to release tension yet still have a good laugh.  Creative parenting maybe?!

Best wishes
Jen

Home to Public School - 41 days to go

If the count seems off it is because I thought they would start school on Tuesday 29 January but I found out the other day they start on the Wednesday.  I also found out that they are putting Jackson in to year 5 (he turns 11 at the beginning of the year) and Harrison into year 3 (he turns 8 at the beginning of the year).  I hope that doesn't cause issues for Harrison.  He is bright but his maturity may not match the others in his class with him having a February birthday, although... he is possibly more mature as he has older brothers to play with.  Hmm, don't know, will keep an eye on it all.

This a sort of out of order list of things that would bother me if they changed too drastically due to the boys being at school.  Again some things have more weight in my mind than others.

• They need to still be able spend valuable family time together eg dinner together as much as possible and free time on the weekends, not overtaken by school projects/homework.

• They need to be willing to play with each other and to still be understanding when their siblings are at different levels of skill and understanding.

• I won't tolerate name calling, or derogatory remarks about other's achievements or lack of skills.  I will be very firm on this as it is something that I have always had a zero tolerance for and if the school influence is so strong that I am constantly battling this issue it will be a big deal.

• I would like to hear that the boys treat each other well at school and do not get so influenced by peer pressure that they won't "play" with a sibling if they are lonely or struggling.

• I would like them to have friends that are willing to visit for playdates outside school hours.  If friendships are only at school I really don't see much difference to how our homeschooling experience in this small town is working out and I will re-evaluate the "value" of school for socialising.

• The boys need to be "allowed" to work at their own level with a bit of encouragement for improving.  I don't want to see them held back and getting bored or pushed so hard that they are not able to overcome the stress of working a little harder to achieve a better result.

• Our health has always been pretty good and I value it.  If more than 2 weeks are lost each term due to viruses going through the family then I will not be pleased.  Of course I know the first term could be rough, new environment and all that, and second not so good with change of season stuff, but by halfway through the year I would hope they are not coming home with a new bug every few weeks.  It would really be hard to be "sick" all the time, very tiring.

Love to hear your comments,
Jen

Home School to Public School - 44 days to go

So here is my scratch list so far of the Pro's and Con's of School and Homeschool.

I know not everything is here but these are the ones that are important to me and keep me thinking (and worrying!).

School:
Pro's

• packed lunch
• see what others eat, may be more willing to try new things
• exposure to other interests eg choir, sports
• learn that not everything is easy
• learn to push themselves instead of coasting
• time for me to have a hobby
• get help to get up to "grade" level
• will get the chance to experience a "regular" schedule of work, meals and play
• hopefully more friends for a birthday party or play dates
• home will be tidier and cleaner due to no kids around

Con's

• bullies but hopefully not
• negative attitude from a teacher
• unable to "fit in" when it is necessary
• uniform costs
• pushing of reading may lead to dislike of lifelong reading
• disrespect of mum and dad, more respect for teachers
• miss out on a more interesting education with bunny trails
• miss out on using lots of resources I already have
• "system" doesn't care about my values for my family
• house may be "too quiet"

Homeschool:
Pro's

• focused teacher attention so won't "fall through the cracks" if some area is not learnt well
• hugs and support when work is hard
• can learn at own pace with choice of curriculum to suit learning style
• better breakfasts

Con's

• too easy to slow down too much too often
• distraction of TV and PCs
• Mum gets distracted by "projects"
• Mum's health can be up and down and days, even weeks, can be missed until she is better
• messy and noisy house nearly all the time
• can't keep up with household chores on my own in the time available

 Well, at least now I can "lose" the piece of paper I was writing it all down on.  And not everything is equally weighted in it's impact, so the decision is still not easy.  Ah well!

Best wishes
Jen

Home to Public School - 64 days to go

So in the most part I am actually accepting the idea of school now.  I am even at peace with it.

Today I read this post from a dad about kids who don't learn how to deal with pain and how it doesn't necessarily make their life as an adult easier.  The rest of the blog is also great.  In fact bought the book and read it over the weekend.  :-)

This is a big factor in the decision to put some of my kids in school.  While it hurts my heart that they may not make friends easily, may get rejected at times (as we all do) and will have to cope with being behind/ahead in some subjects, I do also know that my kids have been protected by our homeschooling.  With everything else in our lives being fairly stable at the moment and likely to be for the next 12 months this is the ideal time to take on the big Public School Experiment. 

In the 4 years before we settled here we had moved from Brisbane to Hobart to Launceston to Dorrigo in NSW, to the Hunter Valley.  We were not in any of those places (except Brisbane) for more than 12 months.  Now we have been here almost 6 years.  I couldn't put my kids in school during that time of upheaval.  I didn't think it was fair on them when we had so many other stresses going on but now... not so bad.

I still have my boundaries in place.  There are certain lines that if crossed will mean the end of the PSE.  I will post those another day.

Best wishes
Jen

Home to Public School - 73 days to go

I had a funny dream the other night.  I always "ask" my dreams what they mean.  In other words I think of my dreams as my subconscious trying to tell me something.  If I am still in that dopey post sleep state and I am reviewing the dream I ask myself what it means and take the quickest reply without thinking as my subconscious expressing itself more clearly.

So this one answered me that essentially I am the one responsible for making my dreams of long term home schooling get taken away due to my inaction and lack of gumption.  Hmm, don't like that!  Is it fair that your own subconscious kicks you when you are down?

What do I do?  Well, I am making plans and continuing on as though the boys are going to go to school.  I will change the way we do things to fit in with the timetable of school.  If I struggle to get the boys on track with school then I will have to hand the job over and just cry at home on my own.  Really, if I can't go for my dreams (that are totally possible) then I just don't have it.  If I can guide our days onto a better path with the 'threat' of my boys going to school for a big chunk of the day (and eroding relationships we have built, taking away our choice of free time, bringing home attitudes I may not agree with, dictating what happens on our weekends due to assignments or homework) then I get to keep them home but I need to work at this lot harder.  I need to do everything I can to make this homeschool experience something that my boys will not regret.

I am looking into work potentials that will work around either option as I really feel that part of our struggles are a single income that pays the bills and keeps our heads above water but not much extra.  It doesn't help with doing the fun stuff like art or music classes, or going to live performances, or getting sport equipment for more activity as a family.  I also really need a home with furniture that means the clutter can be cleared away or I get overwhelmed and depressed at the mess.  After all, no point trying to clean up if items don't have a place to go.

I also really need to get a backbone too.  Either way!  If they are at school and bringing home attitudes I don't want in my home then I need to make sure they know what will not be tolerated.  If they are at home I need to make sure my kids understand that when I say do I mean do now, and quickly.  I need them to understand that I am in charge and that while I will allow a certain amount of freedom that I will expect respect in return.

Hmm, will keep you in the loop as I try to cope with these upcoming changes in my life.

Best wishes
Jen

Home to Public School - 76 days to go

So I have since seen the principal and the kindergarten teacher of the local primary school and called the local high school.

The kindergarten teacher said that Griffin, with a June birthday for turning 5, is just a bit too young for Kindy.  Did you know that they expect them to be able to write a sentence by the end of the year?  Wow, that is so quick!  What I would like to know is why are there so many high school students who can not be get by at Uni standard of writing if they started so young?  Some thing is wrong there!

Jackson (10) and Harry (7) will be going for a visit next week from 9 to 12. 

I hated sitting in with all the boys while I pointed out where their weaknesses lay.  That should have been done out of their earshot.  Anyway, Jackson was "great".  When asked what his favourite subject was he said xBox at the beginnng and end of his list.  And when asked if he liked history or science he didn't reply.  Funnily enough back home when asked he could give me a very good definition of history.  And only yesterday on a cartoon a character said he would fly to the moon or Mars.  Both my 10 and 14 year old said go to the Moon and they both explained different aspects of why such as weather and temperature.  Not so bad!

I am talking school up a lot.  I don't want to jeopardise their experience.  I may have all these fears inside but I need to be strong for them.  Jackson is not bursting into tears at every mention of it now, but I do wonder how he is coping when we had a wet bed this morning.  He did sleep in compared to his usual early bird wake up so that may have been why.  He usually only has about 1 accident a year because we figured out what his triggers are and how he needs to dress in each season.  I hope this was just a one-off and not a sign of stress.

Anyway this blog is becoming my journal of how we go on this journey.  It will hopefully help me to see whether this is a good or bad idea.

Best wishes
Jen

Home to Public School - 78 days to go

Hubby and I are strongly considering putting all our boys in public school next year.  As I consider this I want to "nut out" all my fears and thoughts on this idea.

So far my biggest concerns are that my 10 year old is likely to be "behind" so he will have some struggles with work until he catches up, my 14 year old is a typical teenager thinking he knows everything and he will be in for a severe shock, and I am worried that my little 4.5 year old may cope with being away from me. Sob!

I am going to call the schools today and find out the procedure.  Bit scary having to deal with public servants who will likely think they are better than me, and with regards to education do know a lot more than me, but I know my boys and I would say I have done better than they would have with regards to shaping their character and morals.

Best wishes
Jen

Parenting and Sleep Deprivation

Someone said to me recently that with the last 13.5 years filled with pregnancies and extended co-sleeping breastfeeding that I have been basically been tortured with sleep deprivation.  Well, I thought that was a bit extreme so went googling as you do.  :-)

This article, published recently, did a study on sleep deprived new parents.  In the conclusions the researchers say that they found that the executive functions of the brains of sleep deprived parents (ie less than 6 hours of sleep per night and no day time napping) was impaired compared the new parents who were getting more than 7 hours of sleep a day.

"Executive function is an umbrella term for cognitive processes such as planning, working memory, attention, problem solving, verbal reasoning, inhibition, mental flexibility, multi-tasking, initiation and monitoring of actions."  Wikipedia

So maybe she was right in a way.  I have been tortured, thinking myself a failure when I couldn't think very well.

I have been full on mothering for a long time.  First pregnancy, breastfeeding one while pregnant with second, then breastfeeding two, then breastfeeding one, then breastfeeding one while pregnant with third, breastfeeding two, breastfeeding two while pregnant with fourth, then very quickly breastfeeding one while pregnant with fourth, then breastfeeding two and finally now over 40 and only breastfeeding one.  And all that time I have co-slept a variety of children.

With all that drain on my body and brain it is no wonder I don't function so well some days and haven't done for a very long time.  I look forward to being able to function better soon when this last one weans over the next 3-4 months.

Mentally I have decided to be more forgiving of myself too.  I have been doing something that I really consider to be very important, growing and feeding babies.  It was for a season and things will change soon to allow me to do the things I have wanted to do but I have had Mummy Brain and it is ok.

Best wishes
Jen

PS Don't forget to read the comments, Rebecca had an awesome one. 

Being Present and My Values

I have been thinking about my life (as you do when the grey hairs start to appear) and I have realised that I need to be present in my life a lot more. 


I am trying to act more in alignment with my values.  Years ago I wrote out my values and in reviewing them I don't think they have changed much at all.  But over the years due to tiredness, babies and just overall blahs I have dug myself a hole of guilt for the life I am not living.  I want to be more mindful of what I have and what I value in this life.

It has meant being much more conscious of how I spend my time.  My computer time has been reduced, but do you know what, it has increased the value of my "real life" and I still have enough time to keep up with friends' blogs when I do it regularly in short stints but after everything else in my day is over.   Best of both worlds!

So my values, just to remind me, and maybe remind you too if you are not being present in your real life right now. 

FAMILY: 
    I have a family which is happy to be together, who build each other and who we can feel totally safe with.  I give my children a secure feeling that I will accept them no matter what and that I will always be honest with them.  My relationship with my dh is strong with lasting ties, not just the flimsy one of a ring but a deep hearted commitment. 

FINANCIAL SECURITY: 
    I am able to pay bills on time and also live frugally so that we have funds to do the fun things like a holiday regularly and a big holiday overseas once every 3 years.  I manage our resources so that we have more than enough no matter how little or much comes into our household.

PERSONAL HEALTH: 
    I am healthy physically because I am going to live to 100 years old.  I am healthy mentally so that I live those 100 years contributing and making a difference, not just sitting around vegetating.  I am healthy spiritually so that I am more at peace as I get older, not grumpier with a life of regrets.

WISDOM: 
    I am able to teach others what I know and also am teachable.  I am a valued member of my family because I listen and have an accepting attitude.

EDUCATION: 
    I use my brain to its fullest extent.  I do not waste my potential with my education.

CONTRIBUTION: 
    I make a contribution to society, on a small scale in the groups and church I attend, and in my neighbourhood.

CHILDREN: 
    I pass on my values to my children.  I teach them by my example and my shared experiences to be responsible, community minded adults who know the value of hard work yet keep their lives balanced.

FRIENDS: 
    I develop friendships with like-minded people and work at being a supportive friend for my closer friends.  I am open to new friends and keep my current friendships strong.

Just something to think about,
Jen